Burnt Lungs, Sour Taste
by kittykate005
Summary: Snape has enough to handle looking out for Harry Potter but what happens when one of his own Slytherins get's ill and he is partly to blame...Warning contains eating disorders and depression
1. Chapter 1

Prologue

"Miss Travian, Can you hear me?" Severus Snape knelt down next to the girl. The class was silent.

"Everyone out right now" he said his voice was low and it had a 'don't question me' tone to it. Everyone left whispering as they went trying to work out why their fellow classmate had just collapsed during their morning potions lesson. After the students had left, Severus tried again except this time his tone was gentler

"Katarina, can you hear me?" he checked her pulse it was faint, it probably wasn't helping that she was lying on a cold dungeon floor. He carefully lifted her into his arms and swiftly made his way through the back door into his private quarters. Severus gently laid her on his bed and tucked the duvet around her; she looked like a sleeping stone angel, her white skin shining against his black sheets. He quickly conjured his patronus and sent it to both Poppy and Dumbledore. He sat in the chair next to the bed and took his students hand feeling for a pulse again. He sat back and sighed, as he waited for them to arrive his thoughts flicked back to the past six months and all that had happened to both himself and the girl lying in his bed.


	2. Chapter 2

Six months earlier.

**August**

"Kate can you quickly restock the shelves before the going home rush comes in"

"Sure thing tom" she said as she finished putting the cutlery away. She went down the cellar stairs and towards the boxes of bottled beer. These were the times when she wished that muggles knew about magic so she could float the boxes up the stairs instead of carrying them. She carefully and with a slight difficulty took the first two boxes back up the stairs to the pub. As she started to put the beers into the fridge she heard a voice that sounded incredibly familiar drift into the pub. She stood up and came face to face with Severus Snape her potions teacher and head of house from school. He looked different out of his teaching robes, he wore a pair of black jeans and a plain black shirt she thought to herself that he didn't look half as scary as he normally did. She wasn't really sure what to say to him so just smiled, luckily she didn't have to start the conversation he did it for her.

"Katarina, I didn't realise you worked here" he said his voice as silky as ever.

"Just during the holidays, I need the money even more now after…everything that has happened" she said the last bit almost in a whisper.

"I'm sorry for your loss, how are you fairing?" he said his voice was gentler than it was when she was at school.

"I am doing fine; either Dumbledore or McGonagall comes to see me once in a while". She glanced around uneasily seeing if anyone was listening, a stern look from her manager told her she needed to stop with the chatting.

"Anyway what can I get you?"

"A bottle of which ever red you think is the best and two glasses" he told her a faint smile on his lips. She quickly chose the merlot which she herself liked although she was more of a white wine sort of person. As he handed over the money he felt a strange sensation as he touched her hand.

"Keep the change" he said as he walked away from the bar to a table in the corner where a woman sat. Katarina was sure she recognised her from somewhere but before she had time to think another customer caught her attention.

Snape watched as his student busied herself behind the bar, she was wearing black skinny jeans and a fitted polo shirt which had the words 'The Oak' on it. Her short hair was scraped up into a tiny bun, with tendrils falling out of it. She wore the trademark dark make up she wore at school, but without her Hogwarts robes on she looked like some sort of model. Severus thought back to the strange tingling feeling he had felt and looked closer at the girl, she was defiantly wearing some sort of glamour. After her last couple of months of grief he didn't blame her covering up what would probably be dark circles under her eyes. He shook his thoughts of her out of his head and tried to concentrate on what his sister was telling him about. However the more he looked at Katarina the more sadness he felt for her, he had been there when her parents had been murdered not that she knew that. She walked past him at that moment and shyly smiled when she noticed he was looking at her. He watched as she carefully collected up some glasses from a table close by his, as she took one of them her hand started to tremble, she flexed her hand to make it stop but as she started to walk back with it her hand started to move again.

"You alright Kate?" one of her work colleagues asked as he quickly took the glass of her, before it dropped to the ground.

"Yeah Spence I'm fine just too much caffeine" she said trying to sound off hand about it. He shrugged and carried on with what he was doing.

"KAAAATTTTEEE" a young girl voice rang through the whole pub, Severus turned to look at what seemed to be a younger version of Katarina burst through the door and run to her outstretched arms.

"Hey munchkin, did you have a good day with David." Katarina was asking the little girl.

"Hey sis" a young man said who had entered the pub after the little girl. He stopped to quickly shake hands with Spence before turning back to his sister.

"You ready?" he asked.

"Let me just grab my jacket and I'll be right with you"

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Two days later and Severus still couldn't get Katarina Travain out of his mind. He knew her well, she was the queen bee of Slytherin but also one of the cleverest people he knew beside's Hermoine Granger who was in the year below Katarina. She was always eager to learn, she had even asked him for extra tutoring, they had spent many an evening brewing together or pouring over books. He had even taught her some occlumency techniques. He didn't make a habit of having favourite students but she was so eager to learn about everything and she wasn't a show off unlike some students he could think of, that he couldn't help but slightly favour her, seeing as she was one of the few who seemed to respect him. He hadn't wanted to go on that raid, he had no idea when he was summoned that is what was going to happen. He didn't even know who they were attacking until he had caught sight of a family photo. He snapped out of his thoughts and quickly stood up as his dark mark started to prickle. It wasn't a summon just the Dark Lord letting him know he was happy about something.

Suddenly his door was flung open and Dumbledore stood there looking rather fierce.

"How dare you with hold information from me Severus"

"Excuse me professor?" he was rather taken aback by the sharp tone

"You said he would just kill the parents"

"Who? Albus I have no idea what you are talking about"

"The Travain family, you said just the parents" Dumbledore was getting agitated.

"That was the plan, just the parents" Severus was almost nose to nose with Dumbledore. Silence.

"What has happened Albus, tell me"

"The brother and sister…" Dumbledore didn't get to finish his sentence Snape had disapparated. Moments later Severus was standing in the very same living room he had been only two months ago. Three figures lay on the floor, two of them with their eyes wide full of horror and fear. He carefully closed their eyes and turned towards the body on the floor nearest the door curled up in the foetus position. He knelt down beside her and gently moved her hair away from her face. She looked like she was sleeping. Severus did a double take; her chest was slowly rising and falling. A pop behind him made him jump up wand in hand; he slightly relaxed when he came face to face with Albus Dumbledore.

"I thought you said she was dead" he said.

"You didn't let me finish my sentence Severus, her older brother and younger sister are as you can see sadly dead but Katarina is alive, just" he said as he peered at the huddled body. Severus without a thought scooped her up and disapparated back with her to Hogwarts. Albus sighed and followed suite not before informing the ministry of what had happened.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 2

Severus paced up and down outside the infirmary; Poppy had been checking the girl over for two hours long. Why was there no news?

"Severus you can't stop wearing a line in the concrete now" he heard the mediwitch say.

"How is she?"

"Not good, I mean physically she'll recover in the next couple of days, mentally, I'll be surprised if she is ever the same again"

"I should have known they would go back for the others"

"Severus you can't blame yourself"

"I could have stopped this poppy she is my student and I could have stopped this"

"Severus there are plenty of students here whose lives have been marked by the dark lord you cannot stop all of them being hurt" she put a hand on his shoulder. For all his hard, sulky exterior Poppy knew that deep down inside he was one of the most caring people she had ever met.

"You can go in and see her; she is in your house after all she would probably appreciate seeing a familiar face". Severus didn't need to be told again. He didn't know what it was but something about Katarina made him feel something and it was just the guilt. She looked like death. Her glamour didn't work in Hogwarts and he could see all that she had been hiding. Dark shadows under her eyes, slightly sunken cheeks and dull eyes. He sat on the seat next to the bed.

"Why didn't he take me" her voice was raspy. He handed her a glass of water. He noticed her hand slightly shake again as she took it.

"I don't know Miss Travain" and he wasn't lying. When he thought about it later he came to the conclusion that Voldemort was bored and had decided that a second attack would be something to cure his boredom.

"I'm not Miss Travain not anymore, I'm miss nobody, and I have no one I'm just Katarina now" her voice was monotone as though just stating a fact.

"That's not true Katarina" his voice was soft like it had been that time at the pub.

"They should have just joined him and been done with it. It's not like them making a stand was going to make any difference"

"Don't say that, it is not an easy thing to join the dark lord it changes lives"

"And not joining him changes them as well professor, no-one can win, no-one has any control of what will happen". A small cough from behind Severus brought them to the attention that Poppy was there.

"Um Professor Snape may I have a quick word?" Severus nodded. He followed her into her office.

"I've had an outbreak of dragon pox within the hufflepuff girls who arrived early for term I think one of them brought it back with them from a holiday and so I need to quarantine the girls down here otherwise the whole school will be infected when term actually starts and your as good a healer as I am Severus, what I'm trying to say is I need someone to look after miss Travain whilst I deal with the outbreak" the mediwitch words stumbled out.

"I will do my best poppy however as you said it is more the mental side we should be worried, but of course I shall be in charge of her healing process" he said although having to look into those eyes each day and knowing that he is partly to blame for the situation would not be an easy thing.

"We shall need to move her as soon as possible"

"We can do it right now, I'll go an inform her" he walked away and back towards the bed.

"Katarina" he said, there was no reply. Her eyes were closed. He sighed why was it that people always had to fall asleep at the wrong time. For the second time that day he lifted her into his arms and then set off through the corridors to his personal quarters. Swiftly and carefully he made his way muttering to himself about he was sure that a girl her age should weigh more. He descended the stairs into the dungeon and entered his chamber. He laid her on the bed and put the covers over her. With a quick glance he then went back to the infirmary to check what remedies he would need to give her, although he was pretty sure he already knew.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Half an hour later after narrowly missing the twelve Hufflepuff girls Severus was striding down the corridor back to his quarters, with a list of instructions from the mediwitch about what and when to give things to her; in his head he was mentally adding another couple of items. He carefully and quietly opened the door and checked on his patient, she was still sound asleep. Severus went to his laboratory and stowed all the things he had been given on an empty shelf as well as checking he had the things he wanted to add. He looked at the huge clock on the wall 5:30pm he realised that neither his patient nor himself had eaten for the most part of the day. He quickly left the laboratory and went to his kitchen and started to prepare them a light dinner. As it cooked he went back to pick up the various vitamins and minerals as well as some pepper up potion. With everything ready he went and sat next to her waiting for her to wake. He tried not to think about what they had done to her, Poppy had refused to tell him, which meant to him that the Dark Lord had had a field day taunting her.

"Why couldn't you have just joined him, then I wouldn't be here losing control, you left me alone with no-one" Katarina was shouting. Her eyes will still closed but her eyelids were fluttering indicating she was dreaming. Severus gently grasped her shoulders and attempted to shake her away.

"Katarina, wake up, your only dreaming" nothing she continued to scream and shout.

"Miss Travain if you do not stop with this insufferable screaming I shall make a habit of not ignoring the copious amount of dark make up you wear". Her eyes flicked open.

"Professor" she looked around wildly "where am I? am I dead?" he released his grip on her shoulder.

"You're in my private quarters we had to move you from the hospital wing because of an outbreak of dragon pox and no you are by no means dead, unless this is what you think your hell would look like"

"If hell looked like this I wouldn't mind a bit" she said quietly to herself but Severus still heard her, as he went into the kitchen he gave a little smile. He bought back with him two plates and a couple of potion bottles with him.

"Okay you need to take 2 of these, one of these and 5ml of this" he said passing her the three different bottles. She took all three of them without a fuss, and passed the bottles back. She gulped as she looked at the plate she was past, but not wanting to look weak she set about eating it. She cut everything in half and then half again knowing she was under the watchful eye of the professor she ate a couple of bites, but she couldn't bring herself to eat it. She didn't deserve it. She deserved to be dead like the rest of her family.

"Miss Travain pushing the food round the plate is not going to trick me into thinking you have eaten" his voice was stern and his student looked like she was about to cry. He softened his tone

"Katarina, I know its hard after what's happened but you need to get well again and not eating is not going to help that" she silently nodded and forced a few more mouthfuls, after that he took the plate out of her hands and set it down on the nearby table.

"Do you think you can stand?" he asked. She nodded.

"Well seeing as you will be staying here for a few days I may as well show you around" she quickly swung her legs off the end of the bed and got up. Her legs dipped under her and Severus had to grab her waist to steady her. Once the room had stopped spinning she took a step forward to check that she was steady.

"Sorry" she said. She slowly followed him out of the bedroom and into a corridor.

"So that is the bedroom, and just next to it through there is the bathroom" he indicated to a door that was slightly open.

"This is the dining room and kitchen and then this is my office in which you will not enter unless I have invited you or it is an emergency. If I am not in there I may by in my laboratory again that is off limits unless it's an emergency" she nodded to say she understood.

"And finally the sitting room" he said opening the door for her; she passed through into a beautiful room with huge bay window which had a view of a meadow with a river.

"But we're in the dungeons"

"And this is Hogwarts, its bewitched". Apart from the huge window there was a huge black leather sofa opposite a fireplace which was currently unlit, a coffee table that had a few magazine's on it. The walls were a cream coloured with an emerald strip running all the way around the bottom.

"You may come in here whenever you please during your recovery time"

"Thank you so much sir for all of this"

"do not thank me Katarina, I am only doing my duty as your head of house, now you may do as you wish I have a meeting with the headmaster, I shall be back by nine to give you your next dose of medication" he told her before striding out of the door. Katarina sat on the sofa drawing her legs up to her chest. She didn't deserve all of these people being nice to her, let alone Snape, she smiled as she thought of him and all the times they had spent last year. He saw her and not the bitch everyone else saw. She laid her head against the pillows and closed her eyes dreaming of her and the professor brewing a potion together.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter three

"Please just kill me instead, don't take them, please" her screams were echoing through the empty walls of Severus quarters as he walked through the door. He ran to his bedroom but she wasn't there, the sound of her screams led him to the living room where she is writhing on the sofa.

"Katarina, Katarina please wake up, your just dreaming" but she wouldn't wake up she just kept screaming as she dreamed. He quickly pulled her onto his lap and held her as she cried and screamed. He ran his fingers through her hair begging her to wake up. His touch seemed to calm her down so he carried on stroking her hair as her nightmare started to melt away. Suddenly her eyes were wide open and her breathing was heavy.

"Its okay your alright, your alright" he told her soothing her with his calm voice, she clung onto his robe's.

"Why couldn't the have just killed me" she sobbed into his chest. He didn't answer he just pulled her in tighter.

"I just want to die" she whimpered.

"Never, ever say that again Katarina Travain" he said his voice going from smooth and silky to pained and angry. This made her burst into another fresh burst of tears. He rocked her gently in his arms and stroked her hair; he whispered a charm under his breath and felt the girl in his arms go limp as she went into a dreamless sleep. He carefully picked her up and carried her back into his room, he transfigured her clothes into pyjamas and did a quick freshening spell on her, he turned to resume his night on the sofa, but a small whimper from the girl made him change his mind, he quickly changed into his black pyjama trousers and climbed in next to her, he stayed awake for quite a while watching her sleep until sleep finally claimed him as well.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Katarina woke up as the birds started to sing. She turned over in the bed and was met by the sight of her potions master sleeping next to her, he looked so peaceful when he was asleep, however she realised how much of a burden she was to him and she would need to get healthy again or appear to so as to leave him in peace and to carry her burden alone as she so rightly deserved. There would be no crying or whimpering, there would be no struggling at meal times, she would appear to be the Queen Bee again for no one needed to know of her suffering as it was hers to carry alone. She closed her eyes again as she heard the man beside stir.

Severus opened his eyes and looked over at the girl next to him, she lay still sleeping, there were three days till term started again and he had decided that she would then return to her dormitory. Being around the other girls in her house and having a routine was sure to help her recovery. He eased himself off the bed and stretched; Katarina opened one eye and almost gasped at what she swore. Snape was a toned man he looked after himself well although under his teaching robes his figure was lost. He looked like a white marble sculpture, however across his back was red scars and on his wrist was the thing she feared most.

"You, your one of them" she yelled sitting up far too quickly from the where she had lain, causing her to fall right back down. Severus wasn't sure whether to go to her or not, after a couple of seconds of dithering he went towards her.

"Katarina let me explain to you, please"

"But your one of them, were you there the night they…were you you murderer you fucking murderer" she tried to get back up again but Severus pinned her arms down.

"If you will just let me explain please" it was the please that made her stop writhing under his grip, it sounded like behind the please there were a million reasons why she should listen. He helped her to sit up and she crossed her legs leaning against the headboard. He sat across from her.

"What I am about to tell you cannot be repeated to anyone, otherwise everyone's lives in the whole entire world both magic and muggle will be changed for the worse. Do you understand"? She nodded.

Xxxxxxxxxxxx

After four hours of Severus talking, Katarina started to get her head around the whole thing, she didn't quite understand every detail but she knew that she could trust him and that she was safe.

"I'm sorry for yelling at you professor" she said her eyes studying her hands. He sighed and tipped her chin up so they were looking at each other, his black eyes searching her green ones.

"You have nothing to be sorry about" she nodded as he let her chin go.

"Now seeing as you missed your medication last night we shall have to do a double dose today plus a few added ones" he told her taking the bottles off his bedside table, a few which Katarina didn't remember being there before.

"Why do potions always have to taste so bad" she scowled as she swallowed a rather horrible black potion.

"Because adding sugar to potions wouldn't let them do there job properly now stop complaining you've only got three left to swallow and then breakfast to take the taste away" she nodded and quickly took the other three.

"I'll let you get changed whilst I make us some breakfast" he said getting up from the bed.

"But sir all my clothes are back at my house" she mumbled

"Professor Dumbledore dispatched someone to get those they are waiting for you in your dorm however in the mean time a house elf brought you those" he gestured to the chair where a pair of black jeans and a black top lay draped. He exited and left her to change. He popped some toast into the toaster and started to make some coffee for them both. As she walked through the door he noticed how much the glamour had been hiding of her, but he thought to himself how she still looked beautiful. It was like looking at a beautiful tragedy. She sat down and sipped at the coffee he set down in front of her. This time there was no fussing about the food she just ate it, no trying to avoid it. He smiled it was a start.

"I'll be in my lab all day I should think apart from at meal times and to give you medication so you are free to do as you please and if you do go out of my quarters do not let Madame pomfrey see you or she will have my head that you are not in bed" they shared a smile.

"Why don't you just send me to bed?"

"Because Miss Travain I know that sending a person to bed does not mean they will rest and recover it will only annoy them even more. Doing things they enjoy makes people recover faster" he winked at her.

"Just call for me if you need me and if you go out please alert me and be careful" he put his plate and cup in the sink and left. Katarina waited until she heard him close the door of his office and the sound of his footsteps had disappeared before she moved away from the table and slipped into the bathroom. She felt so guilty and she just wanted to feel nothing. 'I can't believe I'm doing this' she thought to herself as she knelt down beside the toilets and stuck her fingers down her throat bringing back up her breakfast and guilt. She immediately felt better she was back in control and she felt slightly less guilty. She walked into the sitting room and browsed the books on the book shelf carefully selecting an advanced potions book before settling on the sofa for the morning. Severus re-appeared a few hours later holding a number of potion bottles, again there was no complaining although the look on her face told him she still wasn't used to the taste. After making sure she was okay and her asking if it was ok for her to leave to go for a walk both of them went their separate ways.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

And this was how it continued until the start of term, taking medication, breakfast Severus off to his laboratory and Katarina to the bathroom she would read until lunchtime where the same thing would happen. She would head off for a walk and return for dinner and then to bed. Katarina reasoned to herself that dinner was allowed until she left his quarters so that suspicions wouldn't be raised when she left for the bathroom.


	5. Chapter 5

September

Term started and Katarina moved back to the girls Slytherin dormitory. It was the night before classes started and she was sitting alone in the common room whilst everyone else was at dinner, she didn't even care that her not being their would cause suspicion she couldn't stand the whispers and the staring. She lay back on the sofa looking up at the ceiling; she just wanted to fall asleep and never wake up again.

"Who you hiding from?" she heard a voice from the shadows say.

"Draco?" she questioned.

"Yeah it's me" he said coming out of the shadows. He lifted her legs off the sofa and sat down before letting them fall back across his lap.

"Why you down here?" she asked

"I could ask the same thing" he smirked.

"And I could ask you both the same question" Snape's voice said from the door way.

"Professor…" Katarina started.

"Miss Travain I do not want to have to send you to the hospital wing before term has even started, after your recent condition I thought you understood skipping meals was not an option and as for you Mr Malfoy as I know you think you are above the others in the great hall it doesn't do for you not to be there. We don't want any rumours running around about you two, especially with you being the year being the year above Miss Travain"

"Sorry professor" both of them mumbled.

"Seeing as dinner is over I shall get the house elves to send you something up, and make sure I do not have to come and have this conversation again with you. Miss Travain if I could have a word with you outside" Katarina slowly rose from the sofa and followed Severus out of the common room and into the corridor.

"Katarina I know it is hard for you with all the whispering but it's better to show you have nothing to be ashamed of than hide down here, your supposed to be the princess of Slytherin don't forget that" she gave him a shy smile.

"I'll endeavour to remember that professor" she said. He nodded and strode away his cloak swirling around him. She pushed open the door into the common room to find that the house elves had already been and delivered, there was a huge feast laid out for them.

"We should skip dinner more often" Draco said as he helped himself to the chicken.

"hmmmm" was all Katarina managed. Her mouth was dry and her heart was beating fast. She slowly sat down next to Draco and poured herself some water trying to get rid of the dryness.

"You never answered my question as to why you were down here" she said taking another sip.

"I came looking for you; I wanted to see how you were after everything that had happened. Father told me about the raid"

"Thanks Draco, sorry I didn't contact you over the summer there was a lot going on" she sent him an apologetic look.

"As long as you are alright that's all that matters"

"You really are sweet; I think I'm going to go to bed avoiding all those whispers and stares as made me exhausted"

"But you haven't had anything to eat"

"I'm really not hungry" she didn't let him argue with her she walked off up the stairs to her bed. She quickly changed into her nightclothes and drew the drapes on her bed. She closed her eyes and willed for sleep to come. She tossed and turned until she heard the other girls enter when she lay still she didn't want them to think she was awake, they had questioned and fussed around her enough the day before.

"I just don't know what to say to her, I can't imagine what she must be going through" she heard one of the girls say.

"I know I wish there was something we could do for her". Katarina winced when she heard that statement that was the last thing she wanted this was her burden to carry no-one else's.

"Well its her fault, I mean if her parents had just agreed then nothing would have happened" Katarina felt as though a knife had been plunged into an already gaping wound. She knew the girl was right but hearing someone else say it hurt so much.

"Arabella you can't say things like that"

"But it's true, I know your all thinking it" then silence, she heard them all climbing into bed and then a few muttered goodnights. She closed her eyes again but sleep wouldn't come, images flashed through her mind. She quickly opened them again she didn't want to have nightmares whilst the girls were there. That would give them more reason to feel sorry for her.

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The hours ticked on and Katarina drifted in and out of a fitful sleep, she woke hours before any of the others, feeling even more exhausted than she had the day before. She tip toed out of the dorm and into the bathrooms where she took a warm shower and brushed her teeth. She stared at herself in the full length mirrors. Her hair was a wet tangled mess and she had darker circles under her eyes. She had lost weight, she had always been slim but now her bones were starting to show due to her stress levels and trips to the toilet. She looked disgusting and she deserved it. She stroked her finger along the slightly showing ribs and then down to her stomach. She poked and prodded it feeling it dip under her touch as she felt the fat. Her hands glided down to her thighs and then to arms.

"You are disgusting, you look as though your half dead and half alive, which would you prefer to be" a voice in her head said.

"Dead" came the whisper out of her mouth.

"A good choice" the malicious voice said. Katarina quickly got dressed in her school uniform and cast a drying spell on her hair. She then grabbed her black eyeliner and started her morning make-up routine. Thirty minutes later and the bitch was back. She quickly charmed some of her old bracelets into new ones green with a silver snake twirled round them and laid them on the end of the girls' beds apart from Arabella's. She then slipped one onto her wrist to join the other bracelets she had collected over the years. She then left the dorm and went down to breakfast. She was among the early birds including the infamous Harry Potter and his two sidekicks who seemed to be in a heated discussion. She poured herself some black coffee and carefully helped herself to some bacon and egg. Quickly she cut it up and then vanished half of it giving the appearance that she had eaten. She looked up at the teachers' tables to see her potions teacher enter. She smirked; her timing was perfect as usual. There eyes met briefly but both looked away and Katarina's attention was taken by the seventh year Slytherin girls enter. She smiled as they came rushing over gushing about there beautiful bracelets.

Severus looked up from his coffee and towards Katarina; he gave a slight smile as he saw her surrounded by her usual fan club that appeared to be worshipping her. He also saw the younger years gaping at her, there eyes full of jealousy that they weren't her friend. His eyes then fell onto her plate where the remains of her breakfast where, content with what he saw he went back to his coffee.

Katarina reached out and grabbed an apple from the fruit bowl, she knew that breakfast was important to get the metabolism started and a faster metabolism was what she needed. She sat there listening to the girls chattering around her and ignored the death stares from Arabella. Everything was going to be alright she thought to herself. Soon enough she would have disappeared like her family and the world would carry on.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Her first lesson was defence against the dark arts, her second favourite subject and it was taught by her favourite professor. She smiled as she sat at the front of his class listening to his silky voice.

"Someone's hot for teacher" Lindsey whispered in her ear with a smirk

"Shut up" she whispered back.

"Miss Barrow do you have something to say" Severus towered above the two students at the front of his class.

"No sir"

"Good, then stop distracting Miss Travain, I believe she wishes to pass her N.E.W.T.S" he stared the young girl down before returning to his lecture. Before long the class was over, Katarina lingered behind.

"Yes Miss Travain can I help you" he asked, as the last of the students filed out.

"I am a little worried about my new potions master sir"

"Professor Slughorn is incredibly talented you would be a fool to question him"

"Yes professor" she looked down at her shoes.

"However if you feel you are not receiving the best tuition for you N.E.W.T.S then I am available to tutor you again this year"

"Thank you sir" she beamed it was taking all her strength not to fling her arms around him. She knew she did not need the tutoring but extra lessons would help her keep her mind off her current situation and she liked her professor probably a lot more than she should.

"Give professor Slughorn a couple of weeks Miss Travain, you might not need my help" she nodded knowing in her head even if she was achieving her highest she would still ask him for help. She left the room and headed back to the common room, she had two free periods before lunch where she decided to read up on the whole of that years Dark Arts Textbook and devise a plan for lunch.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"You coming to lunch Katarina or are we skipping again for another elf feast" Draco said as he watched his friend scribble furiously in her notebook. 'God she's as bad as that Granger'.

"Yeah I'm coming just give me two seconds" she said as she finished her sentence. She had a plan all ready for lunch and then it was just dinner to get through. They walked silently to the great hall, she noticed that Draco wasn't flanked by his usual bumbling buffoons of friends and when he went to sit at lunch he sat on his own. She dithered as to whether to sit next to him but Lindsey grabbed her hand and pulled her to an empty seat and started to question her about why she had been staring at Professor Snape all the way through the lesson.

"I was merely listening Lindsey trust me I'm not having a secret affair with Professor Snape now will you let me eat" she snapped.

"I think you might have touched a nerve there Lindsey" Helen giggled earning herself a large amount of water getting flicked at her. Katarina took a bite out of her piece of quiche before taking a drink from her empty cup; she quickly spat the food into the cup and then vanished the contents which to anyone watching would look like she was just refilling her cup. After a couple of mouthfuls and spits the quiche was gone. She picked up her fork and allowed herself to keep the salad in her body.

Severus again surveyed the scene from the top table, he watched her take the bites of quiche and the salad. He sighed a sigh of relief, she was coping okay he knew sending her back to the dormitory would speed her recovery and now he could focus on what Potter and his crew were up to this year.


	6. Chapter 6

October

Katarina's life was slowly coming back from the dead from Severus point of view. She was at every meal time laughing and bringing down whatever poor Slytherin she didn't particularly like that day. Her grades were top as usual. He was able to keep a close eye on her due to their private study sessions. She had visited him after her second class with Slughorn begging for him to tutor her. Of course he knew she was fine she could brew practically everything in the seventh year during her sixth year, but he liked to have in the laboratory in the evenings after so long without company it was a distraction from everything else.

To Katarina her life was slowly ending. She had been doing her early breakfast routine for almost two months now, always there before even the teachers and then ate her apple or orange whilst others were watching . During her free lessons she was either studying or walking round the grounds sometimes both before lunch where she would do her usual vanishing trick but eat her small amount of undressed salad. Then during her next lessons she would chew gum and made sure she took her vitamin and mineral pills. Dinner would be the hardest meal of all, she was normally so ravenous that it took all her will power not to stuff her face instead she took a selection of vegetables each meal and ate those, earning her for a couple of days the nickname rabbit, before she threatened to curse the next person who dared even mention the word rabbit. She didn't care too much though what she wanted to happen was happening; her bones were showing more and more and she had started to live quite a lot of her life in a haze. After dinner on a Tuesday evening she would go down to the dungeons and brew with Severus. This was the only time that she felt human again, with him.

To Draco, Katarina's life was falling apart, he watched her fake smile and laugh and her half hearted attempts at ruining others lives, he watched her vanish her food and pick at her salad. He often watched out of the window as she walked round and round the grounds. His heart broke the most at dinner when he saw how she ate her plate of vegetables and seeing how she thought this was when she was being the most sensible.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

It was the last Tuesday of October and Katarina was carefully preparing the remaining ingredients for her potion when the voice in her head spoke up again.

"this friendship has to end…if you want to succeed this has to end, your only at the beginning of your journey and he will stop it as soon as he notices…it's over" a tear slid down her cheek as she realised what the voice said was true she quickly wiped the tear away and took a deep breath.

"Professor Snape" a grunt from the other side of the room told her he was listening.

"I think that maybe I am learning everything in Professor Slughorns' classes" it was quiet and not her normal tone of voice.

"I see Miss Travain, you may leave then". She nodded and left. The only good and strong part of her life falling away as the door clanged shut.

"Good girl" the voice said. Back in the potions classroom Severus sat down behind his desk slightly confused as to what had just happened. Everything had been fine. He shrugged coming to the conclusion that she had become sick of the rumours that they were having an affair and god knows there were a hell of a lot of them going around.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

November

Katarina tossed and turned in bed her usual battle to sleep was harder tonight. She hadn't slept a full night since the summer and it was driving her crazy. She knew she was becoming a recluse spending all her time studying, she didn't go on the trips to Hogsmeade with the others and she only played the 'bitch' during meal times mainly to keep her mind off the foods that seemed to call her name. Even she and Draco weren't seeing much of each other and when they did they both seemed distracted. Deep down in a little corner of her heart she wanted life but the rest of her was so consumed with all the guilt, un cried tears, pain and a huge desire to join her parents and make herself suffer in the process to make up for the fact that she lived, that the little corner of her heart was shut away in the dark. She wasn't sure why she decided to do what she did that night but years later Severus thanked God that she had. She crept out of bed glancing at the clock on her bed stand. 3AM it read. Being as quiet as possible she slipped down the stairs and into the common room, cursing herself for forgetting a cloak, nevertheless she carried on out of the common room and into the long corridor towards the potions room.

Severus sat bolt upright in his bed, his wards had just gone off as someone entered the potions classroom, although he was no longer the potions master he still kept his security tight especially on the store cupboard. He crept out of his quarters and quietly clicked the door open of the classroom hoping to catch Potter or one of his friends in the act of stealing. He closed the door soundlessly and waited in the shadows to see who it was. His heart almost stopped when he saw Katarina reaching up for a bottle of 'Dreamless Sleep'. Her baggy night clothes drowning her, a twig like arm and bony hand reaching up.

"Miss Travain, I would have thought you could have brewed that instead of having to steal from the potions store". He said with his teaching voice. He watched the young girl jump back her eyes wide with fear.

"Professor" she managed to squeak out. Her heart was pounding and her hand was shaking like crazy as adrenaline rushed around her body. After starving herself for so long almost five months now, unintentionally of course from July to August she knew that was all due to stress and grief, her body couldn't deal with surprise to well, she felt dizzy and gripped the edge of the table.

"Katarina are you okay" he flicked an eye over her. She looked like she was about to collapse her knuckles going white where she was gripping the table her other hand shaking.

"Just give me a second, I'll be fine" she said through gritted teeth as she tried to breath deeply.

"Perhaps you should sit" he tried to hide the concern in his voice but it was hard when she looked like a ghost. He tried to remember how bad she had looked when he had found her, did she look worse now or the same. He tried to sort out everything in his mind; he had watched her for months now getting better, he was sure this was just a minor set back, the after effects of a nightmare. Something in the back of his mind told him not to be stupid but he ignored that, wanting everything to be okay he had enough to contend with.

"Katarina sit down" she shakily sat down on the chair. Her lips were almost white and her face was so pale. Her face seemed like it was sunken, wasting away. She looked like a living corpse. He made to go towards her but she immediately stood up.

"I'm sorry professor I should never have come down here, I'll go back to bed now" her words were tumbling over each other like circus performers.

"Don't move Miss Travain"

"I'm sorry" she whispered before running out of the room and back to her bed. She curled up on the top her breathing rasping her lungs burning. 'What have I done, I've ruined everything' she thought.

"Don't worry just avoid him; there is nothing he can say if he can't see you and in classes just make yourself invisible. If he talks you can just lie" the little voice in her head piped up. 'I wish I was invisible' she thought to the voice.

"Soon you will be".

Severus sat back in his bedroom. He wasn't sure what had just happened. He had sworn to himself that she was getting better he had seen it with his own eyes. He knew that seeing was not everything, he was a spy for goodness sake he should have seen the signs. He hit the wall with his fist, drawing blood.

"Why do you even care so much" he said aloud to himself. He knew why, but she was a student and he was her teacher so he reassured himself that it was just the guilt he felt nothing more. He knew sleep would not come now so he got up and checked on his potions. He paced through into the potion classroom and saw the bottle of Dreamless sleep still out on the table. He grabbed it and filled a little vial of it, putting it in his pocket for later, before restoring it to its place on the shelf.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Morning for everyone else came and the great hall was flooded with students. Severus sat at the teachers table scanning the Slytherin table for Katarina. She was absent; although none of her followers seemed concerned. His eyes flicked towards the golden trio nothing seemed to be amiss there so he quickly downed his coffee and left the staff table heading for his classroom, she had him second lesson that day she couldn't avoid him forever. He sat behind his desk grading papers and barking at the first years even more than usual. The time was going by to slowly. Finally the first years left a few of them in tears after he had threatened one girl a little too much if she was late with her homework again he would hex her into oblivion. He watched the seventh years traipse in; she was the last one and sat at the back. His heart sank, he watched her take out her books and her wand and set them on the desk but there was no life and enthusiasm in her eyes, she caught his eye as she looked around the room and he saw weak and sunken eyes. He quickly looked away because seeing her like that reminded him of the countless empty eyes of The Dark Lords victims.

Katarina stared out of the window the whole lesson, she didn't pick up her book or her quill or her wand, she did something she had never done before in her whole life she day dreamed through a whole lesson, well almost a full lesson.

"Miss Travain if you wish to spend the rest of your school life having a detention with me I suggest you stop staring out of that window or leave my class immediately" her daydream was bought back down to earth with a crash, she blinked and saw the whole class staring at her. She just smiled and packed up her stuff and walked out.

Severus didn't say anything for a few minutes; he had never expected her to actually leave. A cough from a student gave him the cue to slide his mask back into place and continue on with the lesson. In the end he let them go early his mind unable to concentrate. He knew where she would be and he didn't waste time in striding very quickly towards the common room, pupils backed into corners as he strode past. He flung the door open, he didn't normally care for the dramatics but when he wanted to intimidate he found grand entrances were important. The common room held a few students one of them being Katarina who sat serenely on the sofa as if in another world.

"Everybody out now" he said with as much bitterness as he could muster. Katarina stood up her eyes staring right into his. He pointed straight at her.

"Sit" he commanded. She carefully did arranging her hands in her lap as the other students left. Severus flicked his wand and the door banged shut.

"How dare you walk out of my classroom Miss Travain, you are a seventh year and I will not condone behaviour like that…" he started but she cut across him

"You gave me the choice to leave or not, I left" her voice was not full of cheek or fear she was just stating the facts.

"What do you want from life Miss Travain" he said trying a different tack to get her to open up.

"Do you want to leave school and get a job, do you want to be someone, because staring out of a window during lessons and neglecting yourself is not the way to go about this". He looked at her but she would not meet his eyes, she was focused on the fireplace. He took her chin in his fingers and turned it towards him so she was forced to look at him.

"I will ask you again. What do you want from life, a job, a husband, a family Miss Travain" the mention of the word family made something inside of her jolt alive. She moved her head away from his.

"I have already told you professor my name is not Miss Travain as I no longer have anything attaching me to that name, and as for what I want to do with my life I wish to disappear into nothingness and have no-one remember me." Her voice had started quiet but by the end of her statement she was standing up and her voice had reached full volume.

"and if you ever try and stop me fulfilling my wishes I will tell everyone you raped me, seeing as there is no-one here to witness these events I am sure they would believe me, I mean there has to be some use to all those mind control lessons you taught me. If you come anywhere near me, talk to me, look at me I shall go running to Professor Dumbledore quicker than you can say an unforgivable curse. Do you understand?" he had never heard such a young person have such venom and conviction in their voice. He slowly took out the vial of dreamless sleep.

"Maybe a good night's sleep will make you see your situation in a different light, I will be waiting for you when you change your life plans, I promise. Katarina" he said his voice monotone his mask back in place. He turned away from her and walked away, he didn't dare look back.


	7. Chapter 7

**November **

**Breakfas**t: Katarina sat in her bedroom ignoring the pleas from her friends to join them at breakfast.

"Katarina please, just an apple"

"I can eat an apple up here" she told them before lying back on her bed so she couldn't see their frightened faces. Silently they left until she knew that only Lindsey was left standing at the end of bed.

"I'll see you at lunch Kate, please be there at lunch, promise. Even if you just sit there please just come down" there was such sorrow in her voice that Katarina almost threw up so much guilt was swirling through her.

"I promise" she told her, closing her eyes. Lindsey walked way brushing the tears away from her face. She wasn't looking where she was going and didn't see as she bumped into Draco Malfoy.

"Watch it bitch" he spat at her. Then he saw the tears and recognised who she was.

"Sorry Lindsey, are you alright" he asked hoping that it wasn't him who had caused the tears. She just shook her head and ran off.

Severus sat at the top table doing his usual scan of the house tables, it was the middle of November and she still hadn't reappeared. Every breakfast he looked for her but she never arrived. Normally one of her friends would get together a plate of something and take it back with them, he never knew if she ate it. She sat at the back of his class with a glassy eyed look, she was still the same diligent student with her grades still being the best despite the fact that her whole life was falling apart. He noticed that when she wrote her hand shook and she sometimes had to steady it, he never came near her during class he only snuck looks at her during class and he never asked her direct questions.

**Lunch**: Katarina sat on the edge of her bed. She had re-done her make up three times and she thought she was ready. She glanced at the clock she had five minutes before lunch would start. She took a deep breath and stood up. She didn't have her robe on; she was done hiding inside of it. Her hair was in a tight top knot; she pulled her baggy grey jumper over the top of her head and smoothed it down. She headed for the door and slowly made her way to the great hall, as soon as she set foot in the door the whispers started. The 'princess of Slytherin' had been absent for so long now that to see her was a shock to not only the Slytherins but the other houses. Katarina sat between Lindsey and Arabella. She quickly joined in their mundane conversation about an article in Witch Weekly.

Severus entered the great hall through the teacher's entrance and sat at his usual place; he quickly glanced at the Slytherin table and had to a double take. There she was sitting there in her usual spot and talking to the other seventh year girls, he blinked.

"Yes Severus that is Katarina Travain" Poppy whispered in his ear. He nodded. He watched as she just sat there and talked, not touching any of the food just sitting there. He didn't eat that lunchtime either; he just stared at her drinking in every detail. He watched as she brushed away a strand of her hair and jumper sleeve fell down her arm revealing a wrist which looked like it would snap. Her cheekbones were so prominent, and he could see her shoulder blades jutting out like wings. He just wanted to sweep her up in his arms and never let go. She looked so fragile.

"Are you happy now, can I leave" she said to Lindsey. Her friend nodded. She didn't want to let her go but she didn't want their friendship to end. She shakily stood up and left the hall not before taking an apple from the fruit bowl her bony hands cradling it.

Dinner: She was there again, for only around five minutes to grab another apple and then she was gone.

Katarina sat in her room taking a bite out of the apple she had taken. The bottle of dreamless sleep lay on her bedside table she hadn't used it yet but her lack of sleep was driving her crazy, she knew that the lack of sleep was the cause of the hallucinations. She picked up the bottle and downed the lot. She smiled as she laid back on the pillows and let sleep claim her.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Lindsey looked across at her friend, she had come back from dinner to find her sound asleep and she was still fast asleep this morning. Lindsey smiled, sleep was good, and maybe sleep was what Katarina needed to sort herself out. She left for breakfast reminding herself to take her back an apple. Half an hour later and she came back to find Katarina still asleep, she shrugged she had the first two lessons off so she decided to let her sleep. Lindsey sat in Defence against the dark arts she kept glancing to the door expecting her to walk through but she didn't.

"Are you expecting someone" Severus asked her in his usual tone

"No sir". She replied but he knew that she was looking for the same person as he was. Halfway through the lesson after he had had enough of Lindsey twitching, he approached her.

"Miss Barrow perhaps you should go and search this person out and then report to me immediately once they are found" He told her quietly, she nodded and quickly gathered up her stuff before walking quickly to the door, once it was closed behind her she ran all the way back to the dormitory ignoring the cries of the portraits and the teachers flitting between classes.

"Katarina" she yelled as she ran up the steep stairs to their dormitory. She stopped as she saw her friend was still asleep, she hadn't moved since that morning.

"Katarina, wake up you missed DADA" still her friend didn't stir. Lindsey crept forward and felt her friends' wrist for a pulse, it was there and strong. Lindsey turned away and set off back for the classroom not really sure what to tell her professor. The class was still going on when she stepped back through the door.

"I am assuming you found her Miss Barrow" he said when he saw her loitering in the doorway, she didn't seem concerned so he kept his voice snarky for the moment.

"Yes professor"

"And what is her excuse for not being here" the whole class was listening by this time. Lindsey didn't say anything. She just looked from the floor to her professor and then back at the floor.

"Perhaps you would like to continue this outside Miss Barrow, everyone else do not speak a word, wave your wand or move out of your seat, continue reading the rest of the chapter." He left the classroom. Once the door was shut he turned to Lindsey his arms folded leaning against the door frame.

"Well then what is Miss Travains Excuse?"

"She's asleep sir, well at least I think she is" Lindsey muttered.

"What do you mean you think she is asleep?"

"She hasn't moved position since last night and well normally Katarina moves around a lot because of her nightmares"

"How long has she been asleep?"

"Since dinner last night, I checked for a pulse she's not dead sir" she wasn't sure if her professor had heard that last bit as he was striding away from the classroom and towards the dungeons. Lindsey hurried up alongside of him.

He flung the door open and strode up the stairs to the girls dorm, he rarely set foot in there only dire situations meant he had to. There she was lying there like a stone angel, a look of peace across her face. He sat on the edge of her bed and checked her pulse. It was there and strong. He searched around her bed for clues and his eyes settled on the empty vial.

"You stupid girl" he said as he picked it up.

"What's wrong professor, is she alright"

"She's fine Lindsey apart from the fact that she has just take seventy two hours worth of Dreamless Sleep"

"Is that bad professor?"

"I have no idea no-one has ever been stupid enough to take that amount"

"What should I do" Lindsey asked as she gazed at her friend.

"you will do nothing I however will take her to the hospital wing and make sure she is constantly watched you may visit her later tonight, no please go back to the classroom and dismiss my class for me, GO" he ordered. Lindsey left as quickly as she could. Severus quickly picked the sleeping girl up in his arms and left for the hospital wing.

"Oh my god Severus is she alright" Poppy said as she watched him carry her, she looked like she was dead.

"She took seventy two hours worth of dreamless sleep Poppy, I have no idea how that is going to affect her" he said as he laid her on a spare bed.

"It could do her the world of good Severus"

"But could also mean that she becomes addicted and right now she doesn't not need something else bringing her down"

"What about eating and drinking, can we spell it into her, this could be a good chance to get her nutrient level up" Poppy said as she looked at the almost skeletal girl.

"I don't want to risk it, we shall just have to feed her and help her swallow it" He sat on the chair next to her bed.

"Severus you look exhausted" poppy said as she turned her attention away from the pupil to the teacher, he looked older and more stressed than usual.

"I'm fine Poppy concentrate on Katarina for now, I need to talk to the headmaster" he swept from the hospital wing leaving Poppy to fuss about her patient.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Severus sat by her side, it was forty eight hours into her sleep and he hadn't left her side, he had Dumbledore covering his classes whilst he watched over her. Poppy came out of her office with a bowl of soup for the girl. She set it on the bedside table and helped Severus prop the girl up so she was in a sitting position. Slowly and carefully Severus fed her the soup and then massaged her throat so that she would swallow it. It took two hours to get through the whole bowl of soup and normally Severus would have given up half way through, thinking the student an idiot and punishing them with lack of food, but this was a different situation.

"Severus I know you think you are to blame for this" Poppy said as she watched the man tend to the sleeping girl.

"I know I'm to blame for this Poppy" he snarled back at her. She just walked away shaking her head. Severus turned back to Katarina and put her back so she was lying flat.

"I am so sorry"

**Please review and tell me if you think my portrayl of Snape is okay ! Thanks **


	8. Chapter 8

**Authors Note: Sorry this has taken me so long to update, and I hope the way I am writing Snape is still okay **

**Chapter eight**

He checked her pulse again, it was past the seventy two hours and she still wasn't awake.

"Be patient Severus" Minerva said, she had been in to see Poppy and had seen her fellow staff member asleep on the chair.

"The seventy two hours are over Minerva patience has gone out of the window" she patted him on the shoulder before leaving. There was no use trying to talk to him when he was like that. Severus yawned again. He couldn't fall asleep so he decided to pace up and down, thoughts whirling round in his head. Twenty minutes later he had resumed his sitting position after Poppy had threatened him that if he did not keep still she would make him sleep or at least lie in a bed.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Katarina felt the mist rising as she slowly opened her eyes, the brightness of the white walls made her want to crawl back into the darkness even more. As she slowly became aware of her surroundings she realised she was in the hospital wing and the person holding on to her wrist was no other than her defence against the dark arts teacher. Before she could say anything Severus started.

"You stupid girl, what were you thinking, a whole vial, only an imbecile takes a whole vial of potion. You could have slipped into a coma or become addicted. Has your brain wasted away as well…" he started.

"Professor Snape if you do not lower your tone immediately I shall ban you from the hospital wing, now sit down and be quiet" Poppy barked from the door of her office before coming over and bustling over Katarina. Severus sat silent his mask in place; all he wanted to do right now was remove Poppy from the scene and hold his student who was looking at him with pleading eyes.

"How do you feel dear?" she was asking her.

"Fine thank you" and she wasn't lying the sleep had down her the world of good. She felt refreshed almost alive again.

"Your not supposed to be feeling alive, plus god knows what they gave you whilst you were asleep" the little voice piped up.

"When can I leave Madame Pomfrey I must have missed so much work" she said trying to sit up in bed but Severus pushed her right back down again.

"You are not moving from this bed" he growled.

"But professor my N.E.W.T.S"

"I have no idea if you will still function like a normal human being by the time N.E.W.T.S come around Miss Travain, so right now they are the least of your problems"

"I want to leave right now, you can't keep me here" she struggled against his grip.

"Please let me go" she whimpered.

"Severus let go of her" Poppy hissed, but he ignored her only loosening his grip slightly.

"Just tonight dear and then you can leave" she reassured her.

"What! Are you mad, in her condition she is not going anywhere, look at her Poppy she is like a walking corpse and soon she will be a corpse"

"Professor this is not the conversation to be having in front of her"

"Why not its not like she cares, I mean she has gone this long without caring what she is doing, so why not just tell her the truth instead of tip toeing round the whole situation pretending it will go away" he had let go of her now and was nose to nose with the mediwitch.

"Severus Snape you will leave my hospital wing immediately and calm down before entering again, I would like you to remember that I am in charge of the students who reside here and I shall discharge them when I think is necessary. And if you want my opinion although I am sure you do not I would suggest that you go back to your quarters immediately and sleep before you let your tiredness get the better of you and you hex a student. GO" Katarina had never seen the mediwitch so angry. Severus didn't try and argue he just glared at her and left. Poppy snapped her attention to Katarina.

"Now Miss Travain, how are you feeling"? Katarina smiled an incredibly sickly sweet smile.

"I am feeling so much better, I know I've been ever so silly the last couple of weeks but I think it was just the grief that was getting to me, the sleep really helped me sort everything and I promise that I will be healthy again" She didn't think her voice could get any sweeter.

"I know life has been hard on you Katarina but its good that you have managed to sort yourself out, that's the first step, now you just rest here until tomorrow and then you can leave"

"Thank you so much" she smiled again before lying back down and returning to the dark.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

December

Everyone else had left for the Christmas holidays leaving Katarina alone with the teachers and the other few students who remained. She made herself go to the great hall for meals smiling sweetly as always to the mediwitch before heaping her plate with things. Each time she carefully put her wand beneath the table and vanished the food, before eating tiny amounts so to the unobservant it would look like she was steadily making her way through the meal. Severus had already spotted her doing it but he said nothing, he had almost given up trying to help her, he felt helpless they were losing her and fast and he had no idea what to do.

"Severus are you alright you look quite distressed" Minerva said as she looked over and saw not the usual cold mask of the Defence Professor but a rather concerned look.

"Yes I am fine thank you Minerva" he said as he took his leave. Soon after Katarina also left her table to go and lie down in her bedroom, where finally she was alone and could just go into her dream world without anyone disturbing her. As soon as she lay back on the bed and closed her eyes she drifted off.

"You're so close now to being free" the girl who sat next to her in the field said.

"You think so?" Katarina whispered as she looked up into the sky.

"Yes" Kate smiled. Into her dream walked her potion master. He looked sad. She went to get up and go towards him but the girl pulled her back down.

"He is not your friend Katarina, he will bring you down"

"I know but I can't help it"

"Well you had better start" her voice was low and menacing and Katarina shrank back from her and then the dream ended, it was the same every night.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Katarina woke up to her empty dorm room. It was seven AM. It was Christmas day. A small smile crept over her face as she thought back to Christmases past, the smile slowly faded as she realised she would never have Christmases like that again. She pulled a jumper over her pyjamas and shuffled down to the common room and looked at the Slytherin Christmas tree all decorated in silver. Underneath where a small number of presents. Katarina looked around; as far as she was knew she was the only Slytherin staying that Christmas. She sorted through each of the ten gifts, every single one was addressed to her. She carefully took a large lumpy one and unwrapped it. Inside was a new black jumper. She looked at the label it read. "For when you get cold and are missing me. Love Draco" She smiled at the though of her friend. She took off her hoodie and put on the new jumper she hugged herself. She carefully took another parcel and unwrapped it. A box of chocolates from her stalker in Hufflepuff. She put those to one side deciding she would give them to Lindsey. The next present was in fact from Lindsey and was in one of those high street store bags. She looked inside it and saw a perfume bottle. It was called "Hidden Desire" she gave it a squirt. It suited her perfectly. She went through the small stack pulling out photo frames, jewellery and more chocolates until all that was left was a silver box. She looked for the label but found none. Shrugging she opened the box to reveal a silver bracelet, it had a heart charm which was green with the symbol of a crown, a silver snake slithered in and out of it. Inside the box there was a note saying. "For the Princess of Slytherin" she carefully undid the clasp and put it on, it tingled as it touched her wrist.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Severus looked up from his book as the beeper started. He went towards the little device that sat on his kitchen table and looked at the sheet of paper that was being printed. He checked through her vitals and sighed.

"If I don't do something soon we'll lose her" he said aloud to know one in particular

"Don't you mean you'll lose her" a portrait retorted. Severus didn't reply but just stared at the figures in front of him. He didn't understand how she was still functioning let alone how her magic was still working. If she tried too hard during a charms class she would probably drain all her magic out of her. He sat down in front of the piece of paper head in his hands trying to think of a plan. He knew he should have done something sooner but she was too clever. She had the whole of the rest of the teaching staff fooled. They were too caught up in what the golden trio where up to. He hadn't even thought about the task ahead of himself, his whole being was consumed with looking out for his student. He wanted term to start again so he could take his bitterness out on the Gryffindor.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter nine

January

Everyone was back at term and Severus had a lot on his mind, the golden trio were defiantly up to something, his unbreakable vow was constantly on his mind, Albus's promise was also playing on his mind and crowding his thoughts was his student. As he watched the figures slowly go down each day, his hope also faded. He would do anything to help her, he knew he was partly to blame but he also knew that that wasn't the real reason for wanting to help her. He felt something for her something he had only ever felt for one other person. A person very much like Katarina, she had been beautiful and smart, she had the same green eyes as Katarina. He blinked back a tear as he thought of Lily. He had failed again. He slowly returned to the chair in the living room and sunk into it. He closed his eyes as he felt a headache coming on. Everyday was like someone added another weight onto his shoulders. Sometimes he wished that The Dark Lord would find out he was a spy and just kill him, then at least he wouldn't have to be a failure anymore.

Katarina was living on autopilot, she knew when to nod in conversations, when to smile at a joke, her homework was handed in on time and she was present in all the right places. Inside there was nothing, her world was completely grey. If you looked past her smiles and nods you could see the dullness in her eyes, but no-one did. She had everyone fooled apart from her Defence teacher who every lesson looked straight into her soul and saw the truth. He watched as she even fooled her best friend Lindsey and even Draco although Severus wasn't surprised at that seeing as Draco's mind was rather pre-occupied with other things. She was back to her old tricks, spitting into her cup and vanishing her food. During one of the first weeks back Severus noticed her actually eating, no fooling everyone actually eating.

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Katarina forced the food into her mouth, she didn't even know why she was doing it, she hadn't had a slip up for months. After her second helping of roast potato's she came to her senses and excused herself from the table and wandered away. She didn't notice her professor following her.

"Katarina where are you going?" he asked just as she was pushing the door of the toilets open.

"Going to the bathroom Professor" she retorted folding her arms and leaning against the door frame as she had seen him do so often.

"And why would that be Miss Travain"

"Because I need to pee" her voice was full of sarcasm, she just wanted him to go away because she could feel that the calories where already in her blood stream.

"Miss Travain, please refrain from using such language, using the lavatory is far more polite, besides I highly doubt you have any need to "Pee" as you haven't touched any liquid" he said his teacher voice on and his cold mask in place.

"And how would you know professor"

"I have eyes Miss Travain and a brain! It's not that hard to tell that you haven't drunk all day and you didn't have anything at all at dinner, but if you are convinced you need the lavatory go right ahead". He had stalled her long enough to know that she wouldn't be able to throw up all the contents of her stomach, maybe just the latter half of her meal. He walked away only slightly satisfied.

Katarina walked over to the toilet cubicle, she hadn't made herself throw up for a long time, she hated doing it, she hated the soreness in her throat and the uncomfortable feeling when she swallowed, nevertheless this needed to be done. She knelt down and put her hair behind her ears, before sliding her bony fingers down the back of her throat and letting her food come straight back up. She stared down into the toilet looking at the remains of her meal, she knew it was only a small amount that she had thrown up, and she would have been able to get more out if Severus hadn't stopped her. She wiped her mouth and flushed the evidence away. She quickly cast a freshening charm and washed her hands before rejoining the others in the great hall. She quickly looked up at the teachers table but he was involved in a conversation with Professor Sprout and didn't look at her for the rest of the meal.

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February

Katarina woke up her heart was racing, her vision was fuzzy. This had never happened before. She was used to waking up with a head rush and then a headache but never a racing heart and fuzzy vision. She groped her way out of bed and went towards the showers. She had no idea what time it was, it was early because none of the other girls were awake. She turned the shower on cold hoping that would way her up. She shivered as it poured over her malnourished body. Her vision started to clear slightly so that she was in her normal hazy state. She quickly dried herself and put on her school uniform. Her eye make up was getting darker nowadays. She pulled her cloak around her as she looked at the clock. The girls would be getting up soon; it wasn't as early as she had thought it was. She collected her books for the morning sessions and hurried downstairs to the great hall to grab her apple she was back to her usual morning routine of leaving remains. She halved her apple and ate one half disappearing the other half and waited. She tried to focus on things in the hall but her vision was going blurry again. She blinked trying to get back to her hazy state. She closed her eyes and breathed in and out for a few minutes before re-opening. She smiled much better. She waved as Lindsey entered.

"Why do you always take so long to get to breakfast" she joked acting like everything was normal. In her lap her hand started to tremble slightly. She held it tight with the other one as she watched everyone else fill their stomachs. She drifted off into her own thoughts only breaking out of them when Lindsey told her they were going to be late for Defence. She carefully stood up and followed her friends towards her favourite class. As usual she sat at the back but joined by Lindsey.

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Severus strode into the classroom. He was not in a good mood, in fact if anyone looked into this personal quarters they would see various smashed items including a machine which printed figures. He turned to face his class, they were silent they could feel the anger emanating off him.

"turn to page seventy three, if I hear one word out of any of you, you will be out of my class and you will not return" The only sound was pages turning and quills scratching. Severus sat behind his desk his eyes boring into the top of Katarina's head as she scribbled away on her parchment. She was paler than usual and he knew her hand was trembling by the way she was holding her wrist. She shifted in her chair as she tried to get comfortable. He knew it was only her magic keeping her alive. The door opening interrupted his stare; he lifted his eyes to see Minerva standing in the doorway looking slightly stressed.

"Not a word whilst I am gone" he snarled to his class as he walked out of the door and into the hallway.

"I need you to teach the seventh year potions class after this one"

"Where is Horace" he scowled he had planned to smash a few objects.

"Horace is drunk"

"Pardon"

"You heard me Severus he's drunk and I need you to cover his lesson" Minerva was clearly not in the mood to argue as she stalked off very much like the feline she turned into. He sighed as he realised he would have to look into Katarina's empty eyes for another hour and a half.


	10. Chapter 10

Katarina sat in potions, she breathed in and out trying to calm herself but she couldn't stop shaking, she blinked as she attempted to focus on the instructions on the board. It was a simple potion she would be alright even if she couldn't concentrate properly. She sat and waited for Professor Slughorn to arrive hoping that he would be so wrapped up in his own little life that he would ignore her shaking.

"Are you alright Katarina?" a fellow Slytherin asked.

"Yes thanks just a little cold that's all" she said smiling as she dug her fingernails into her palm hoping that would stop the shaking. The door banged open and a familiar cloak swished past.

"Professor Slughorn is currently unavailable to teach your class, so I shall be covering, there will be no questions, no wand waving and no talking. The instructions are on the board if you cannot follow them I suggest you leave immediately." Katarina lowered her eyes to her desk, 'could my day get any worse'.

"Miss Travain the instructions are on the board not on the desk, I suggest you use your eyes and read them carefully" Severus barked at her making her jump. She carefully read through them even though she knew them off by heart. The words slightly blurring.

"Miss Travain, that is enough reading, stand up and start making the potion" he knew he shouldn't be shouting at her but he was so angry that he couldn't do anything to help her. He watched as she slowly got up and made her way to the store cupboard taking out the ingredients. He knew she knew how to make the potion it was easy she had learned it last year. He watched as she started to cut up the roots and stir them in. Her hands were shaking as she held the knife he was afraid she was going to accidently cut herself. Her face was pale against the darkness of the dungeons, he studied it, and she was definitely paler than usual. She looked like she was concentrating hard on the potion, but he could tell by the way she was breathing deeply and biting her lower lip she was fighting faintness. Severus decided to take a walk around the classroom, hoping to blow off some steam by pointing out each tiny mistake. He stalked round barking and hissing at each student's potion. He stopped beside Katarina's work bench, she was almost finished and the potion was the perfect sea green it was supposed to be. He studied her, her left hand was gripping the edge of the bench, her eyes were closed and he could hear her taking in deep breaths and slowly exhaling. She was biting her lower lip so hard it was bleeding. He leant in closer to her making it seem he was taking a closer look at the potion.

"Katarina, you may sit down if you need to" his voice was gently and barely a louder than a whisper.

"I'm fine professor" she said through gritted teeth. She slowly let go of her grip on the table and opened her eyes before smiling at him her perfect smile. He nodded and returned to his desk. His eyes on her as she put the last ingredients in and started to stir.

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Katarina's heart was thumping, she could barely see her vision was covered in black dots, she had barely heard the professors words he had sounded so far away. She kept her breathing steady trying to calm herself. Her hands were shaking and she felt as though she was drifting off.

"Katarina, let go" she heard a girls voice.

"Is it time" she thought to herself.

"Almost, let the darkness consume you, let go of the light" Katarina smiled she was almost there. She stopped concentrating on the potion and let the black fill her vision and envelop her. Severus watched as Katarina stopped stirring her potion. She smiled to herself, she looked genuinely happy. Her knees crumbled beneath her and he watched her eyes roll back as she collapsed to the floor.

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No-one had ever seen the professor move so fast. He practically flew to Katarina's side

. "Miss Travain, Can you hear me?" Severus knelt down next to the girl. The class was silent.

"Everyone out right now" he said his voice was low and it had a 'don't question me' tone to it. Everyone left whispering as they went trying to work out why their fellow classmate had just collapsed during their morning potions lesson. After the students had left, Severus tried again except this time his tone was gentler

"Katarina, can you hear me?" he checked her pulse it was faint, it probably wasn't helping that she was lying on a cold dungeon floor. He carefully lifted her into his arms and swiftly made his way through the back door into his private quarters. Severus gently laid her on his bed and tucked the duvet around her; she looked like a sleeping stone angel, her white skin shining against his black sheets. He quickly conjured his patronus and sent it to both Poppy and Dumbledore. He sat in the chair next to the bed and took his students hand feeling for a pulse again. He sat back and sighed, as he waited for them to arrive his thoughts flicked back to the past six months and all that had happened to both himself and the girl lying in his bed. His thoughts were broken by Poppy bursting through the door.

"Oh God Severus is she dead"

"Not yet" he muttered. The mediwitch bustled around the bed, scanning the girl with her wand.

"It's a miracle she's not dead already" Poppy looked over at Severus who was watching from the doorway.

"Can you save her?" he asked in a voice Poppy had never heard come out of his mouth.

"I can try Severus but even if I do bring her out of unconsciousness it's going to be a battle to actually get her healthy. The damage she has done to herself…"

"I don't care about the aftermath just make her open her eyes" he sounded like a child, desperate for his broken toy to be fixed.

"Severus it's not a case of just making her open her eyes, you could have done that. Your no use standing there, go to the infirmary and collect the medication she needs" Severus nodded he took one last look at the sleeping girl and left. He passed Albus on the way. He looked worried.

"How is she Severus" he asked as they passed in the corridor. All he heard back was a grunt.

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Hours passed and Severus once again found himself pacing up and down outside his own room. They hadn't moved her from the bed. He just wanted to shake her awake tell her how special she was and how sorry he was. Severus had never felt this emotional in his whole life, he hated it he wanted to punch someone, shout and smash things, but he kept his composure and just paced, taking his anger out on the concrete. If Katarina was a muggle she would be dead but the magic coursing through her veins was what was keeping her on the edge of death. He knew that Poppy would be trying to get the magic to spread out through her entire body and make it heal itself. Severus knew he could be sitting there doing it but he didn't trust himself. He would give his life to that girl if it meant she would be okay.

"Severus" he heard Albus call. He slowly opened the door.

"She should come round in a few hours" Poppy said making room for him at the bedside.

"Be gentle with her Severus". He had no reply just sat there his hand in hers listening to the pulse.

"When she comes round she will have to eat, I can't keep making her magic flow to keep her alive"

"We can transfer her to St Mungo's as soon as she wakes" Albus said as he preferred to leave.

"No"

"Severus it's the best solution"

"Do you think she is going to get better in a hospital, if anything it will make her worse She doesn't need strangers forcing her to do things she doesn't want to do. Although of course that's not really your concern is it. You just want her off the premises so she doesn't cause a stir."

"Severus my dear boy"

"Don't you dare 'dear boy' me you old fool"

"Well then what do you suggest Severus" Poppy asked.

"She will stay here under my care because…"

"Severus I've already told you this in not your fault" Poppy cut in.

"Because I am experienced in the matter. I had a sister who I failed, I will not fail Katarina" There was silence as the two of them locked eyes.

"as you wish Severus but I will be checking on her daily if I do not think she is making progress fast enough I shall move her" Poppy said as she looked into his eyes and saw every inch of his soul bared to her.

"Thank you"

"Severus be ready, this will not be an easy ride"

"Poppy I lie to the Dark Lord everyday I think I shall cope" She nodded and left the chamber. Albus gave him a long stare before leaving. Severus hadn't let go of her hand throughout the whole exchange.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

He knew he had a few hours before she would come round so he went for a shower, he let the warm water calm him down and collect his thoughts. His mind wandered to his younger sister. Evangeline Snape. He and his elder sister never spoke about the death of their younger sibling or the guilt they both shared about knowing the truth but never speaking it. After he had relaxed a little he dried himeseld before changing into a black jeans and t-shirt and then returned to Katarina's bedside and waited.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter eleven

The clock slowly ticked round, he watched her chest slowly rise and fall, almost in time to the clock. I had to have been at least two hours later when her eyelids started to flicker open. Severus sat forward on his chair and clutched at her hand.

"Katarina" he said quietly so as not to frighten her.

"Am I dead" she asked. He gulped before composing his face.

"No your alive" he told her. He watched as she turned her face away with disappointment.

"Katarina, please, let me help you". He slowly brought his hand to her cheek and made her face him.

"I don't want help, I want out" her voice was sullen.

"Out of what?"

"Life, I have nothing left to live for, no-one to love me, no-one to care about, and no purpose". Her eyes were boring into his as he took a deep breath.

"I love you". Time seemed to stop after those three words, they both stared at each other; looking into one another's souls like no-one else existed. Katarina started to move, she tried to pull herself up to a sitting position but she didn't have the strength. Carefully Severus slid a hand under her back and pulled her upright and towards him. They both hesitated before letting their lips descend on one another. Months of contained passion flew out from both of them. Katarina drew back, biting her bottom lip. Severus saw how vulnerable she looked, her white face, smeared make up and red lips shiny from their embrace. He adjusted himself so that he was sitting beside him and she could lean into him.

"I promise to make you better, even if you fight me every day I will never leave you". His reply was her nuzzling into him.

"I'm tired" she murmured Severus carefully laid her back down before sliding in next to her.

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Morning came too soon for either of theirs liking. Severus stared up at the ceiling. He knew today would be the start of one of the hardest times of his life. An image of his sister floated in front of him and a tiny tear slid down his cheek. He wouldn't fail Katarina. A rustle from his left side told him she was awake.

Katarina swallowed. She had failed in every way. She was alive. The Last of the Travain's. The hand on her shoulder reminded her of the events of last night. The life that she had locked away had run through her veins last night and reminded her what it was to be alive, how it felt, how it made her feel. However darkness still roamed her spirit and she knew it would be easier to give way to the darkness.

"Katarina, I know you're awake" she heard his soft silky voice. She slowly rolled over so she was facing him. She focused on every detail ingraining it into her memory. They stared at each other again, but before they both zoned out Severus stood up and left the room. Katarina gulped she knew exactly what was coming next. She shut her eyes tight again and wished that this was all an awful nightmare and she would wake up to the sound of her mothers voice calling her down for breakfast. Instead she woke up to Severus telling her open her eyes. She obliged, he carefully helped her up to a sitting position again and let her lean against the back wall. She crossed her legs. The way she was sitting reminded Severus of the pixie's who flew around near his home. He sat down opposite her and carefully crossed his legs as well. He was a very different man to the one the students would meet. In his hands he held a bowl.

"Three spoonfuls that's all I'm asking" he said. She nodded, but didn't go to pick up the spoon, instead she twiddled her thumbs. Severus sighed and filled the spoon with cornflakes and held it out to her.

"Your not a baby Katarina and I wont indulge you, if you don't take the spoon and feed yourself I shall get poppy to come down here" he knew the only way to get through to her was to be harsh but it hurt him to do it. Gingerly she took the spoon from him and put it to her lips. She carefully calculated the calories and fat content and opened her mouth.

Severus breathed a sigh of relief as he watched her chew and swallow. He filled the spoon up again and handed it back to her. She carefully ate it taking her time to chew the already soggy cereal. He handed her the third spoonful. This one went down quicker. She handed the spoon back scared he would try to force her to have another spoonful. He set the bowl and spoon aside, before turning back to face her. He cupped her chin in his hands and laid a soft kiss on her lips.

"I have to weigh you, the non magical way, using a spell like that could kill you" he told her. He watched as she stiffened, pure fear filling her eyes. Another kiss made her relax a little and he carefully scooped her up in his arms.

Katarina liked being his arms, she felt safe, she lent into his chest feeling the rise and full. She kept her eyes closed not wanting to even look at a set of weighing scales. He stopped in the bathroom and carefully set her down on the ground. He held her by her waist so that she wouldn't collapse and nodded towards the scales. She didn't move.

"Please Katarina" she shook her head again. Severus sighed and carefully lifted her up and set her on the scales. They bleeped away until a number appeared on the screen. 90lbs. He swept her up in his arms again and returned her to the bedroom. He swiftly left and went into his study, he grabbed the newly repaired vase and chucked it at the wall.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter twelve.

March

Severus breathed, closed his eyes and counted to ten incredibly slowly waiting for the anger to seep away. He turned towards the door which led to the bedroom, willing himself to go back. It was a month exactly since Katarina's near death and everyday was a battle. The constant mood swings from the both of them, the fights and the tears. She was slowly recovering, slower than he had hoped. The damage she had done herself was so deep he wasn't sure if she would ever re-surface. He took another deep breath and opened the door. The bedroom was a mess. There was food down the walls, vases smashed, sheets ripped and sitting in amongst the havoc was Katarina; tears pouring down her face, her arms wrapped tightly round her knee's. Today had not started well. Severus sat on the edge of the bed, lazily flicking his wand to repair the bedroom.

"Katarina" he said softly, she wouldn't look at him.

"Katarina, please" the please always got to her, she looked up and stared into his eyes.

"I'm sorry" she managed to choke out. Severus moved closer to her and carefully put his arm round her.

"I know you are, but you've got to keep trying" his voice was barely recognisable from his voice he used in class. Katarina slowly nodded.

"Do you want toast or cereal" Severus found giving her a choice helped her. For the first two weeks he had literally had to beg her to eat, but slowly she had got better and accepting that she needed the food.

"Toast" she murmured. He gently kissed her, before going to the kitchen. Katarina bit her lip, her mind was so full of emotion she wasn't quite sure if she was happy or sad. Every morning she woke up next to him and everything was blissful and then real life crashed down around her and ruined everything. She sighed and swung her legs off the bed. She slowly got up, normally she would have felt dizzy and weak but she didn't feel anything. This made her happy and distressed at the same time. Everything she had worked for was gone; but she had this whole new life stretching out in front of her. Carefully she made her way to the bathroom, she shut the door but a shoe stopped her.

"and where do you think you're going" Severus inquired.

"to use the bathroom"

"and what rule do we have about that ?" Katarina sighed.

"That the bathroom door must be open at all times"

"Katarina the sulky four year old voice really doesn't suit you". She scowled at him and walked over to the sink before splashing her face with cold water.

"Can I go to the toilet, is that allowed" she spat.

"I'm not even going to answer that Katarina, now hurry up Dr Majaka will be here in ten minutes" He turned round and lent against the door frame whilst he waited for her to do her business. Katarina rolled her eyes.

"I don't see why you can't just do the counselling yourself, it would be a lot easier"

"because, I am not trained in that specific area" sometimes the amount of questuons she asked drove him crazy.

"It's really not that difficult he just sits there and writes rubbish in his notebook and pretends to understand" she swept past him, he forgot that she was just wearing his shirt. She casually grabbed the piece of toast off the plate as if it was the most normal thing to do, she swallowed and took a bite turning back round.

"Happy?"

"I'd be happier if you put some clothes on" he smirked. She stuck her tongue out.

"You may be a good liar but you're not that good". Setting the toast back on the plate and moving away quickly she carefully slid on her black jeans and tucked his shirt in.

"Are you happy now?"

"Finish that piece of toast and I'll be ecstatic" his voice completely monotone.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter Thirteen.

Katarina sat curled up on the sofa, Dr Majaka had been going on for what seemed like hours about how well she was doing and how proud he was. She glanced down at her watch, the hands ticking by almost taunting her. She realised he had stopped talking and was looking at her his piggy little eyes staring into her very blank wide ones.

"I'm sorry could you repeat that last question" she smiled sweetly.

"How would you feel about starting to have your meals with the others?" Katarina froze.

"We were thinking just dinner at first" Severus voice came from the doorway where he casually leaned, a silent observer in the shadows. Katarina gulped panic flooding over her, she closed her eyes and breathed deep counting slowly to ten the way Severus had showed her.

"I'll try" she slowly said.

"Starting tomorrow" Severus said firmly.

"What about my lessons when can I go back to those?"

"That we are not too sure about, Severus assures me that you are up to date with all your work and that you should be fine for your N.E.W.T.S however we are not sure that you are ready to go back into that stressful environment"

"But you think I'll be able to cope in a room full of people and food, yeah that makes a whole lot of sense" her temper was rising.

"Katarina" Severus said trying to calm her.

"No, it's stupid you want me to sit in the great hall surrounded by people I haven't seen for months and who have probably created a billion rumours about me and eat in front of all of them but you won't let me go and do something that I love with the few friends that I have left, well if you want me to relapse go right ahead with that plan now if you'll excuse me I am going for a walk. On my OWN" she glowered at Severus as she stalked out of the room banging the door shut. She marched out of Snape's private chambers and along to the Slytherin common room. She threw it open. What seemed like a hundred pairs of eyes turned to look at her. She ignored them.

"Has anyone seen Draco" she asked. No-one replied.

"Have you all gone and cut your ears off in my absence" she scoffed.

"Looks like she's back" she heard someone murmur.

"Yes I am back, back and as bitchy as ever so before I hex one of you out of the fricken window I would appreciate it if someone would tell me where I can find Draco Malfoy" She stood her arms folded and her legs hip width a part. Her hair had grown and was tousled from the days laid in bed; she still looked as scary as ever her eyes boring into every single one of their souls. A timid first year coughed.

"I think he might have gone to the astronomy tower" she quietly said.

"Finally" she said, then her tone changed into a voice none of the Slytherin students had ever heard before, it was sweet and kind and sounded very much like a Gryffindor would speak.

"Thanks" she left the room leaving the occupants with their mouths wide open.

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Katarina started to climb the stairs of the astronomy tower, she forgot how many there were and still with a slightly weak heart she found it more and more difficult as she went on. She sat down half way up and closed her eyes. There was a whisper in the back of her mind telling her to give up and come back to where she really wanted to be, in the dark, alone. She gritted her teeth as she pushed the voice away and slowly stood up. She started up the stairs again and soon found her way at the top. Standing at one of the windows was a tall boy who she barley recognised. His hair was cut short and his shoulders were hunched. He looked so alone.

"Draco" her voice echoed. Her voice must have broken him from some deep thought as he slightly jerked before turning round. She looked into his eyes and saw the same pain that she had seen in her eyes. They didn't even speak just wrapped their arms round each other pulling the other in as close as possible. She breathed in his familiar scent but another smell was there to, the smell of fear. A tear trickled down her face as she tried to pull him in closer.

"I missed you" he breathed into her ear.

"I missed you too"

"I'm sorry I didn't come and visit; I've had a lot to think about"

"It's alright". They stood there in silence for a very long time, neither wanting to let go, both fearing if they did the other would fall apart.

"You are alright aren't you?" he asked as he finally pulled away, he was still holding her arms, inspecting her.

"I am now, everyday is a battle but I have Severus and now you and I hope some of the others". As she mentioned his part in her new life he looked away from her, biting his lower lip like a little child trying to hold back tears.

"You won't want me in your life" his voice was flat.

"I'll always want you in my life your like a brother". He shook his head.

"Not when you find out what I have to do" his voice was trying not to break.

"I don't want to think about the future or the past I just want to think about now and right now you haven't done anything. Live for now not tomorrow or yesterday" she cupped his chin in her thin fingers and stared into his eyes watching as some of the pain and fear melted away. She took his hand.

"Tomorrow I have to sit in the great hall for dinner, will you promise to sit with me". He nodded and gave her hand a squeeze.

"You're so brave"

"And you are too"

**Authors Note: sorry for this being a little out of Malfoy's character but I wanted to show more of the human side of him than we ever got to see in the books. Reviews please, sorry it took so long to update. **


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter fourteen

Katarina sat on the edge of the bed, dressed in black jeans and a t-shirt. She had tied her hair up it was now in a fairly long ponytail. Her make-up bag sat next to her. There was an hour before dinner and Severus had left her to get ready. She took in a deep breath and started to apply her usual make-up, her hands slightly trembling as she brightened up her still pale cheeks with blusher and across the contours of her cheekbones with her bronzer. A knock at the door made her jump.

"Come in" she said. Draco peeped his head round the door.

"Hey" he said, Katarina stared at him. He looked like someone had frightened him to death. His skin was almost translucent the bags under his eyes almost like bruises.

"Hey" He walked in and sat down on the bed looking at his hands.

"You ready?" he asked, Katarina stared at herself in the mirror. She shut her eyes and counted to five before slowly opening them again.

"Yes" she said firmly. Draco stood up and took her hand. In the full length mirror the two of them looked like a ghostly couple. Katarina squeezed his hand tight.

"Lets go".

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Dinner was about to start and Katarina was still dithering outside the doors. The last thing she wanted was to be the last person to walk in but she couldn't quite make it through the door. A few Ravenclaws hurried past whispering and sending her glances. Draco shot them a dirty look which shut them up. He was lounging against one of the pillars, his arms folded and from a distance looked like the same spoilt brat Draco, it was only when you got up close you could see he was falling apart, he had the same far away look as Katarina had had for months on end. He checked his watch and sighed before marching over to her.

"Katarina, if you don't do this now you're never going to. You're the princess of Slytherin remember, people tremble as you walk past, girls want to look like you and boys want to date you, so go in their and show them that you are no different, the bitch still lives on" he knew that what he was saying was a little harsh but he didn't know how else to get through to her. She gulped and nodded. He gingerly took her hand and pushed the door open, two minutes before dinner was supposed to start. Thousands of pairs of eyes turned towards them. Katarina took a deep breath and started to walk, her gaze was straight ahead and she was tuned into her own breathing. She would probably have carried on walking if Draco hadn't pulled her over and sat her down, before taking his seat next to her. Katarina tuned back into the real world and looked at her surroundings. She looked up from her plate into the eyes of Lindsey.

"Hi" she said timidly.

"Hey" her friend smiled back.

"What did I miss?", the dishes started to appear on the table and Katarina attempted to ignore the fact that the whole Slytherin table was silent waiting to see what would happen.

"Not much really, Ethel exploded a cauldron and was bald for a couple of day and Marvin got engaged" her friend said keeping eye contact and not daring to look at the empty plate. Katarina searched the table for Marvin as well as searching for some sort of witty comment but when she met his eyes all she could say was;

"Congratulations" he nodded his thanks. Draco nudged her and whispered in her ear.

"I suggest you put some food on your plate before Snape comes down and spoon feeds you". She took in another deep breath and put a chicken breast on her plate, then some green beans, new potatoes and a tiny amount of gravy. She could practically hear the entire table breath out. Then came the slow cutting up of every piece of food so it was in perfect forkfuls. Carefully she took her first bite, chewed and swallowed. No-one dared watch her after that and went back to their small talk. It took her an hour to finish the entire plate with words of encouragement from Draco and Lindsey. As her cutlery clattered down onto her clean plate she wiped her mouth and breathed a sigh of relief.

**AN: sorry its so short got deadlines for uni will update hopefully in the next week.**


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